I’d like to thank you all – it’s an honour to be finally recognised for my contribution after all these years! I worked hard and I’m happy for you to know how much single-mindedness and dedication can achieve in this world.
I’d like to thank firstly my sense of optimism. I couldn’t have won this award without something inside me that kept telling me, if only I kept the books for just that bit longer, I’d get around to reading them.
Secondly I’d like to thank my guilt complex, which told me that seeing as I was already running late returning the books, I may as well make it worth my money and keep them for even longer.
Finally I’d like to thank my father, who once told me that this day would come. The day on which I’d receive this auspicious award, for the ‘Undergraduate Student who amassed the most library fines at University’. Thanks Dad, you always told me that a wing of the library would be named after me in honour of my dedication to accruing library fines.
But before I forget, somewhere in there, I’d Like to Thank My Cats – I’m sure you sat on some library books at some stage, and hid them from my view, thereby helping me to achieve this dizzying height of recognition.
To all the undergraduate students at my alma mater, I hope you enjoy all the library has to offer and think of me as you do. If it weren’t for my fines, the library might not be the great institution it is today!